“My mom won’t let me take birth control because if you take birth control you can’t ever have babies.” This is straight lies. I want to shake your mom. And your health teacher. Refusing birth control from young women does not keep them from having sex, CRAZY.

“Let’s not do sauna, I’m not trying to sweat.” First of all, what you think is sauna is actually just a wooden room with an expensive electric stove in it because American gyms apparently don’t believe in using expensive equipement at full capacity. (WATER ON THE ROCKS PEOPLE it is THE ENTIRE point). Second of all, trying to sweat is exactly what you are trying to do. That is why you are at the gym. Right? If not WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? Confused. Full face of makeup + treadmill makes me so confused.

“I just came from tanning.” STOP TANNING. Skin Cancer is on the rise amongst young women. Why? Tanning. Please. Stop.

“Ugh, I am so out of shape.” No you are not. You are in great shape and it is a shame that the people in your life and our culture spend so much time directly and indirectly convincing you otherwise. Maybe if I spend more time with my “real” thirty year old body out in the locker room you will absorb a more realistic message. Or maybe you’ll just get creeped out. But hey, it’s worth a try.

Kippis!